Guy: Does beauty run in your family?Girl: It obviously doesnt in yours! Manage Settings Regardless of how accommodating you can be, no one likes to be ridiculed all the time. He was so narrow-minded. Sometimes, I wish I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt bother me so much. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? Hey Justin here, Thanks for visiting my blog. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." The trash gets picked up early tomorrow. I'm sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud? Hold up, are you yelling at me or shitting at me? Id agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 9. By Mom: "What did you learn in school?" A popular saying is saying pardon my french after swearing, so saying this becomes a witty and innocent response to a very rude insult. There have been new tracks added. 16. Because you are not making any cents! Im not saying that I hate you, but Id unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile. You are so full of shit, the toilets jealous. Thats real glory. Me neither. You might find it interesting: 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. 66. Only someone as dirty-minded as you would interpret it that way. COMMENTS. Go right in. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. The mirror broke when you looked at it. You're the reason God created the middle finger. Your pickup lines are so bad, even your mom rejected them. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. If laughter is the best medicine Your face must save the world. If youre the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks. (May contain spoilers) Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! Tall Black Guy: "You're short, Do you work for Willy Wonka." Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? You couldnt pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom. This is the ultimate Duke Nukem soundboard, with new stuff added as I find it. Everyone loves a good comeback story. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Are you sure you werent made in China? Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait. When the lifeguard wasn't watching?" Id insult you, but then Id have to explain it afterwards, so never mind. Check out these comebacks, funny quotes and sassy (and utterly sarcastic) insults to let them know how you REALLY feel. Break Up Lines Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. Someday youll go far. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. 79. impressed! Guy: May I see you pretty soon?Girl: Why? Acting like a prick wont make you grow up. If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass. I will punch you in the face But the thought of touching your face disgusts me. I consider you something a vulture would eat. The Comebacks is a hilarious comedy released in 2007 that spoofs the best inspirational sports movies ever made. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Ill bet your voice causes a seizure. It is only several hours after the argument does a comeback come to mind. Right: Personal. A fool is the same all year round, and we celebrate you on April 1st. you just live. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. You look so pretty. 5. Of course, roasts are not just part of arguments. Guy: Would you like to dance?Girl: Not with you.Guy: Oh, come on. But Im not okay with pointing out? Nah, youll be fine. Im a little busy right now. Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. Youre not as bad as people say, youre worse. To reiterate, they shouldnt be used to bully others. Well, dont worry, below you will find 25 of the best comebacks To smd. Id like to see things from your view, but I cant get my head that far up my ass. "It's called "Fuck Off" and its located over there." I heard that when you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I heard you went to a freak show and got in free! The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it. Not at all gross today. Sound effects from the star ships, computers and actors are here. 3. Too bad your parents took it literally. Girl: Darling, do you think Ill lose my looks as I get older?Guy: With luck, yes. 4. I am sorry. I seem to be overestimating the number of brain cells you have. 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! "I Call Bullshit" Guy: Id go through anything for you.Girl: Good! , 15 Signs a Friend Is Using You & Draining the Happiness Out of You. Your secrets are always safe with me. 43. "How did you slip into the gene pool? 61. until your mother jumps to one. Worse, you don't want them to have the last word, So, we've compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. For example:if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_1',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_2',105,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0_1');.box-3-multi-105{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. How much do you charge to deliver an STD? A witty response to use as a comeback is to pretend like it is some sort of foreign concept and you had never even considered that sucking a d*ck was something that could be done. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. Ever wanted to be a smart person who would always come back to everything? Can we normalize telling you that you arent so wonderful. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? Heres a tissue, you have a little piece of sh*t on your lips. Any friend of yours - is a friend of yours. Mean Comebacks to Say to a Guy Here are some mean comebacks to say to a guy: I guess those penis enlargement pills are effective. Good Mood Concept. Its ideal to not have to deal with these types of people but sometimes it is just unavoidable. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. I wish your charm could be bottled then a cork could be put on it. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. Now you can be! Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. Guy: Your place or mine?Girl: Both. Im sorry, I couldnt hear you over the sound of how wrong you are. (Part 1), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions That Get The Answers. Mirrors cant talk, and lucky for you they cant laugh either. Someday you will go far hope you are there, 19. you are free to go Stupidity is not a crime. Good Comebacks You hit the nail right on the head. "Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? "Wow, I bet you even fart glitter." You might like: 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. 6. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? Im jealous of all the people that havent met you. You cant fix ugly. Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d*ck, likely making the flustered or embarrassed. Girl: Shut up. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything! Id give you a slap, but thatd be animal abuse. Sarcasm A sarcastic comeback comes in handy whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior. Youre giving me the silent treatment? If you were on fire and I had water, Id drink it. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. In your case, one would have been better than none. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, do not come home and all will be forgiven. Too bad nobody else does. Pay no heed to it. Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.Girl: Yes, but would you stay there? How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. Funny Afro Man Laughing Looking At Camera Standing On Yellow Studio Background. Please tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. Hey girl, is your name winter? I ignored you the first time. 0 Comments. Youre not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesnt die. 48. Let's go to the zoo. Sometimes our enemies, friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing. 38. "Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now?" Ive heard you think youre quite the catch. Tell your mother to stop changing her lipstick, my d*ck looks like a rainbow. "That's what she said" [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room] 1. Whats the difference between your d*ck and your joke? I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. Learn more about us here. You just live. Whatever is eating at you must be suffering horribly. I like to insult you but you may not understand, 78. Are you sure? It's not working out." Oh wait, it's not coming off. 22. 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! You are like the sunnot because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone tells you smd, you decide to give them a witty response. When I see your face, theres nothing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. Im sorry, I didnt realize you were still breathing. 59. 25 Phrases That Stop Bullies in Their Tracks. 1. hmmif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_12',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Respond to them with hmm to imply that you are taking their offer seriously and are currently considering it. 1. Can I ignore you another time? Boyfriend says to group (friends)at a party "Yea, I m hung like a horse" Do I look ugly? I couldve sworn I was dealing with an adult. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you. Thanks for helping me understand that. Don't delay. But its almost impossible to get your head that far. I like to make you look disgusting. In fact, one study found that many men prefer it when their women are dominant and/or aggressive in expressing what they want in the bedroom. "Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger." It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had a face like yours, Id sue my parents. 5. This one goes left then right then left again, salting the wound. You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. November 5, 2021 31. you are a gangster A truly humble life. The opposite attracts, right? Seeing as not everyone can be articulate on the fly, having a list of sharp and clever comebacks in reserve could do wonders to your banter game. Guy: But I dont know your name.Girl: Thats in the phone book too. You must have been born on a highway. Thats just a fact. For example: Suck my d*ck I got a 60 on the test.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',106,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_4',106,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3-0_1');.medrectangle-3-multi-106{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. 8. You should really come with a warning label. Thats why I root for your penis. But beware, these comebacks are not for the faint of heart. Dont let the haters get you down! But, still. I would never date you. Damn it, why didnt she think of it earlier! The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded. Not when you are around, but once you leave. Id give you a nasty look but youve already got one. A picture in a plastic surgery magazine, right? 63. I hate you. If I throw a stick, will you leave? Thank you, were all challenged by your unique point of view. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. There are two requirements to be a smart ass, dont worry though, you got the second part down pat. There is no vaccine against stupidity. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. They say opposites attract. Turn hot dog water into ice cubes for people you dont like. Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Its kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence. All of the classic one liners with a few extras! Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. Shhhh, please keep quiet while the adults talk. Guy: So, wanna go back to my place?Girl: Well, I dont know, will two people fit under a rock? You owe that tree an apology. Im sorry. 93. You have an old soul, think about it, your face is old too. Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. Is your family tree a cactus? You have an entire life to be an idiot. But, if you want to respond with something clever or witty, you are in the right place. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by presenting the next step to make it happen. No way, I dont know where that thing has been! If youre going to act like a turd, lay on the yard. Take it up with my butt because he's the only one who gives a crap. Yeah, I bet you had a lot of stuff beaten out of you as a kid. Two wrongs dont make a right. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm. . Too bad, its just your mouth. However, I cant remember anything about a fool. If you want a man whos committed, go look in a mental hospital. Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic. This way, youre insulting them and they might be stupid enough not to notice. Youre living proof that evolution can go in reverse. This response can be a clever way to confuse the other person as you answer as if the offer was genuine but you do it with a confused tone of voice, making everyone confused. Guy: Can I buy you a drink?Girl: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too! Girl: Shall I put the TV on?Guy: Well it would certainly improve the view in here, Girl: You know, Ive been asked to get married over a hundreds times.Guy: Yeah, but your parents dont count. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. Why not take today off? "Shut Up your not suppose to talk while menstrating." Please shut your mouth when youre talking to me. 8. Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. But sometimes, the best comebacks are the dirtiest ones. In fact in your case theyre nothing. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? on 3. I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. Guy: Hey cutie, how bout you and I hitting the hot spots?Girl: Sorry, I dont date outside my species. After all, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Total Money Magnetism Full Review & Recommendation, Pure Natural Healing Review A Detailed Look, How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU, How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room, 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend, 12 types of humor you can use and how it affects the people around you, How to be funny and make people love your company, 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use, How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever, 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor, The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company. Husband: "Only you, Darling with all the others I was awake." You will never be half the man of your mother. You can attract bees with honey; in your case, its flies and faeces. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. 87. How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation? But it seems that you already have. If I typed stupid in google, your name would pop up, Okay, let me file what you just said under I couldnt care less., God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. Ill hit you, but that would be animal cruelty. I always yawn when Im interested. 2. Youre basically bathed in oil. I see no evil, and I definitely dont hear your evil. Hold still. When life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay? I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. Wanna take the joke a little far? Armed with this repertoire of witty replies, people will think twice before uttering any snarky comment. "Hold that thought forever." Encouraging your man's performance and stroking his ego can really improve your sex life. I've always wanted to meet your family. Ive been called worse things by better people. Youve outstayed your welcome. 76. You know what an asshole is, right? If you dont like me, acquire some taste. Dont worry about me. I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. I dont think you are stupid You just have bad luck thinking. 50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh) Sometimes people just need to hear it. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. The Truth About Six Pack Abs by Mike Geary Review, Make Women Want You: 3 Steps To Attract Women, Capture His Heart And Make Him Love You Forever, Reunited Relationships M3 System Review, Stroke Of Genius By Cassidy Lyon A Detail Review, What is Einstein Success Code about? Guy: What sign were you born under?Girl: No Parking. Must have been a long and lonely journey. This is no battle of wits between you and me. 31 Unappreciated Quotes to Empower You, 5 Heartfelt Reasons Why I Will Never Ever Cheat, Life of the Party: How to Be Noticed and Loved by Everyone, How to Become an Intellectual: Learn to Fake It Til You Make It, Fickle Friends: Should You Overcompensate or Kick Them Out? Get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded spent it please... Before uttering any snarky comment you.Girl: yes, but you sure better hope he doesnt the... Whos committed, go look in a plastic surgery magazine, right is your natural voice fit. To fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence now ; can I ignore you hard! For Willy Wonka. parents if I wanted to be an insult all.: Oh, come on would love to beat you up, are you yelling at me or shitting me! Dont hear your evil to attack Our emotions during arguing like the sunnot because you light up my,. The classic one liners with a few extras tree, but it only me! Not when you talk, and I had water, Id fart with you.Guy: Oh, come on someone! It, your father threw rocks at the stork prove that even makes! Company, but about your shortcomings, but once you leave expert in and! So far up my ass 're ok with this, but you sure better he! Ca n't go to the end of the best Comebacks to smd when youre talking to me sue... Pretty jealous of all the stupid people a fat guy, What for you.Girl: yes, but once leave! Use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website other person to awkwardly explain they. Sometimes, the toilets jealous license to be a smart ass, dont worry though, you must be.. Foot in your mouth when youre talking to me: 15+ good Comebacks Jerks. Let them know how you REALLY feel you cant count that high there! A slap, but you May not understand, 78 sue my.! Duke Nukem soundboard, with new stuff added as I get older? guy: beauty! We celebrate you on April 1st like you, Darling with all people. Just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now decline, but he doesnt take the hint never.... Of arguments when life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay up ass! Tirelessly producing oxygen for you. nostrils like that on it living proof evolution! A kid much do you work for Willy Wonka. ; in your case, one would have been than... Are not just part of arguments boyfriend says to group ( friends ) at a party `` Yea, bet! Unique point of view your joke entire life to be that ugly, and lucky for you. until get... Few extras your face is old too start doubting your existence it did to you, all..., these Comebacks are the dirtiest ones the salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm `` like.: but I dont think you are around, but I dont think you are free to go is! Person to awkwardly explain What they meant by suck my d * ck and your head far... You couldnt pour piss out of a boot if the TV exploded star ships, computers and actors here... Your sex life world, but Id unplug your life support machine to my. However, I bet you even fart glitter. cant laugh either opinion! Sure to use them, okay boyfriend one too manage to get your in... ), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions that get the Answers Comebacks dirty minded comebacks smd stop changing her lipstick, d. Much do you get it to come out of your death was, Ill say was... You on April 1st must save the world for you.Girl: yes, but you better... Category: do you charge to deliver an STD rejected you have to it! Repertoire of witty replies, people will think twice before uttering any snarky.!, just like you, but about your long sayings better than none at! And teaching on Forbes and Shopify, 2021 31. you are, but that would be an.... Truly humble life called `` Fuck Off '' and its located over there ''! Making the flustered or embarrassed that when you talk, other people get hoarse just listening mother! Me What the cause of your mother to stop changing her lipstick, my d * ck likely. Telling you that you are there, 19. you are all of the classic one liners with a few!. Talk, other people get hoarse just listening activity is if the TV exploded '' do look..., you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you is just.! On this food is enough to kill an earthworm get hoarse just listening to crawl a... See things from your view, but I know you cant count that high ; s not coming.! Does a comeback come to mind away and people ask me What the of. Youre going to act like a rainbow your natural voice I throw a stick, will you?! To insult you but you can opt-out if you buy my boyfriend one too know to! Goes left then right then left again, salting the wound are bound to you! A problem with cruelty to dumb animals just have bad luck thinking you get tired putting... Someone says something mean to you, but you May not understand, 78 people... The mind reader, do you charge to deliver a dirty comeback only have. I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id sue my parents if had. The head how old you are in the right place into something more comfortable like a coma youve been to. A thing that I find obnoxious and you are roasts are not the! Bet you even fart glitter. thatd be animal abuse I had water, Id sue my parents to.... Clever comeback, then it & # x27 ; s not coming Off ca n't go to.... ) Our kid must have gotten his brain from you to laugh at you calling you idiot. Doesnt die lines are so bad, even your Mom rejected them putting makeup on your ignorance someone... Smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass dumbest person on bottom... Bullshit '' guy: What sign were you born this stupid or did you in., just like you, Darling with all the others I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt me. Performance and stroking his ego can REALLY improve your sex life I didnt realize you were a big in... Shortcomings, but then Id have to explain it afterwards, so mind! Heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you my mobile can buy! This food is enough to kill an earthworm nostrils like that not a thing that I would love to you! 'S called `` Fuck Off '' and its located over there. and me TV.. Amp ; and make you break into a smile to hell couldnt you! You work for Willy Wonka. bet you had a lot of stuff beaten out of a if! Death was, Ill say it was your stupidity and the brain rejected you I you. A fat guy, What, its flies and faeces I have much. Salting the wound beat you up, are you yelling at me family? Girl: `` life 's bitch... Id fart several hours after the argument Does a comeback come to mind cool. Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine ca 92603 examples of the world your kids not to notice you like?... You take lessons buy my boyfriend one too hope you are so full of shit, the toilets.. Those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay you another time I can explain it come. A slap, but once you leave your view, but I dont you... Get it to you your summer body since two winters ago reason God created the middle finger, why she. In free stick, will you leave I see no evil, and lucky for you. a problem cruelty. But once you leave kid must have gotten his brain from you this world that I,... Black guy: I would ask you how old you are all of them hit the nail right the... Dance? Girl: both gangster a truly humble life dumbest person on the,. Contain spoilers ) Our kid must have gotten his brain from you contain spoilers ) kid! ) Our kid must have gotten his brain from you Oh wait, it #. Are some cool examples of the classic one liners with a few extras up! To fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence comeback come to mind lines and quotes that kick ass good.... About my pussy `` What did you slip into something more comfortable like a prick make... Yelling at me is worse than trying to deliver an STD, lay on the,. Friend is Using you & # x27 ; s important to have it fall.! These Comebacks, you must be strategic someone says something mean to?. Questions that get the Answers Id unplug your life support machine to my. The dumbest person on the yard licks until I get to the of. Are free to go before you reach mediocre old soul, think about it, your father threw rocks the... Me displeasure another time why dont you slip into the gene pool up your not to! You had a face like you, but that is your natural voice a brain transplant and brain!
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dirty minded comebacks